8 WAYS TO ACT WHEN SOMEONE BREAKS UP WITH YOU
8 WAYS TI ACT WHEN SOMEONE BREAKS UP WITH YOU
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Your (now ex) boyfriend just told you that it’s over. Your relationship is ending. You’re reeling. You feel hurt, angry, and confused. Maybe you saw it coming or maybe it’s out of the blue. No matter what your situation is, it’s definitely true that it sucks.
Soon you’ll be alone and have some time to think things through, but right now, all you need to know is how to get through the next ten minutes.
1 TELL YOURSELF YOU’LL BE OK.
No matter what you feel like right now (and no matter what you actually believe), tell yourself that you’re OK, that you’re going to live through this, and that this isn’t the end of the world. You can do it like a mantra in your head: “I’m OK, I’m OK, I’m OK, I’m OK.” It’s OK to lie to yourself right now.
Make sure you keep breathing. Focus on the air coming in and out of your nose. You could even count your breaths—keep them deep and even. This will help you stay calm.
3 RESPECT THEIR DECISION.
Don’t beg or plead for them to take you back or to change their mind. The more you beg, the worse you look, and the less likely you’ll be able to salvage any kind of friendship.
5 DON’T SAY TOO MUCH.
In the heat of the moment, you’re likely to say something that you will later regret. Keep your words to a minimum.
Don’t try to force them to stay with you.
First of all, it won’t work. Second of all, you can’t make someone do something they don’t want to do. Trying to get them to stay in the relationship, or even just to stay with you physically in the same room will only make you look desperate and it will make them want to leave even more.
6 KEEP PHYSICAL BOUNDARIES.
Don’t try to get sexy with them (bad idea!) and don’t let them get sexy with you. Kissing isn’t going to make them change their mind, even if it might distract you both from what’s happening for a little bit.
Don’t interrupt them.
Let them say everything they want to say. After they’re finished talking, ask them if there’s anything else they’d like to mention. This shows that you are mature enough to let them have the floor.
If you want to, respond carefully.
If you need to, take a few moments to gather your thoughts to respond to what they’ve said. Remember that you cannot change their mind about the breakup, so in your response, simply try to give your point of view without blaming or insulting them. Keep it as positive and as short as possible. Another option is to say that you’d like to give your point of view but that you’re feeling too overwhelmed to do it right now. Ask them if they’d be okay with having a conversation in a couple of days.
7 KEEP YOUR COOL.
Don’t get angry or defensive. If you feel like you’re getting too emotional to where you can’t think straight or you just want to scream at them, ask if you can continue the conversation later. Think about being the kind of person that they’ll regret leaving — some crying is normal, but if you’re yelling or screaming at them, or insulting them, it’s unlikely that will make you look very good.
Be grateful (if possible.)
Right now, you’re probably really hurt and angry so it may be hard to try to dig out a silver lining. If you can, though, try to thank them for the good times that you had together.
Hug them and say farewell. Then, once they leave and you get home, you can collapse on your bed and start bawling.
Eventually, find forgiveness for them in your heart. It’s hard and it may even seem impossible right now, but holding a grudge against them will only hurt you in the end and keep you from having positive dating experiences.
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